Birthday week!

It's my birthday week!!!! Yeah me. I had a really good birthday, and it seems the people around me really do value me :) I think I forget that sometimes. I fail to see the value in myself. I rarely think that what I have done is good enough, I tend to second guess myself.

It was really nice yesterday to hear "happy birthday" I know that it is a very small thing. But I live so much of my life isolated. I have locked myself away, because I don't want to get hurt. I think that no one really would like to hear what I have to say, or if I do say something they will think me weird, or a looser. And so here I am blogging on a site that I know that no one reads. For a purpose that I can not decide upon. Yep that's me.

So I am trying to put myself out there. Overcome these feelings of insecurity that I imagine everyone has, but some are better at hiding it than others. I am signing myself up for more of a leadership role at my work. I am attempting to get healthy one OUNCE! at a time. And I am LETTING GO! Releasing all the things that I have allowed to hold me back.

1/1/11 the first day of another new year

So I noticed this morning that this year starts on 1/1/11. Not an earth shattering realization I know (and probably something I should have thought of before today). I have regarded 1:11 and 11:11 to be times that when you notice them on the clock take a quick minute to reflect on what it is you want for yourself and welcome that into your life. So today being 1/1/11 is for me significant because I am trying to make changes in my life (aren't we all) I started this blog way back when under these same pretenses, loose weight get healthy... and as always happens I reverted to old habits and let the opportunity for change pass me by.

This year I again have set out to make changes, I have rejoined Weight watchers (and have enlisted the whole family, particularly the husband with me) and I have re-committed to getting in more steps. Starting with 8000/day and increasing by 500 each month (thanks to the folks at walkertracker.com and a competition there)
This year feels different. I am really continuing a journey that I have already started rather than starting over. It is a different mindset. One of welcoming in the new and improved me, rather than fighting to be something better. Semantics I know, but for me it means I am no longer fighting myself, and no longer changing because I am not good enough now. I AM good enough now, I just need to improve! Not totally replace the person I am now.

So I am blogging. Not because anyone is actually going to read this, (but if you do, leave me comments!) but because I need to reflect on my journey. I need to support my desire to be a better me, rather than "hold myself accountable."
So this year, no resolutions. Instead I am following the advice found in Christine Kane's Blog and picking a word for the year. I am choosing the word RELEASE for 2011 because I need to let go/release

hurts from my past
the desire to have control
the idea that I am not good enough
all the extra crap/stuff in my house and and work
the extra weight I am carrying around!

Not a complete list but you get the idea.
So here's to 2011, may it bring with it happiness, joy, and success!